what's a woman to do?

I can't it's happening, I'm going to graduate. Nothing is going to get in my way, I have a tough time telling my parents that some of my classes aren't going the way they are suppose to, but I'm going to office hours to talk to my professor and it seems to be working, I got a B! on my POLS 413 class and I know that other people got higher scores, but I don't care because I'm AWESOME!

I'm kind of nervous, I have to apply to graduate in May and I know I'm putting it off. I don't know what I'm going to do after graduation? YICKS!!!!

I don't want to live with my parents or with a roommate, well maybe Amanda LOL. I have to look after myself, I can't depend on anyone but myself. Everything that I do from now on is for myself and even though I can ask for help when ever I need it I just know I have to do it.

I don't know what I'm going to do if they don't offer my classes next semester! stupid budget cuts!!!! So hopefully by April 13th they have my classes that i need ugh!

overview

For the past two weeks i have been thinking of my future, including my future in love, education, or just life in general. I sit down on my chair at the CCLC and i see all that is around me, everyone that knows my name, knows a little bit about me, even the people who i don't know very well. I feel so comfortable around that place, it's a home away from home. I want to do so much at Chico State, I want to do things I never thought I would want to do like MUN, be an intern for the CCLC.

In High School, I got into ASB my senior year and i felt that I missed out in a lot not joining sooner. Now in college I want to explore I want to do so many things in a year and I know it seems like a lot, but I want to do it all. I want to graduate on time and I want to start my life and rejoin the population of San Jose, go to Grad school and excel in my degree.

I see old classmates from High School and older classmates, living their lives, getting married, having kids, being in long lasting relationships and I can't help but think about it and I'm not scared like I used to be, but I want to do my living, I'm to young to to tied down. Fall in love with the right person and spend the rest of my life with them is at the top of my list and I feel I have found someone that maybe not now, but in the future could fill that part of my life. Damn, I'm thinking to much, I'm so ahead of the game right now. I need to think of the present, I'm afraid to think of the future because it never turns out the way I wish it could be.

It's scary to feel like this, everyday I let myself open up more to him and yes I am scared because the last time, it just hurt so much. I know I'm falling head over heals for him and I can't stop myself. Everytime I let myself love someone, God always seems to take them away from me. Maybe he has matured and maybe he has changed for the better, but now there's an obstacle between us. It's not the distance, its his hobby. I know I'm going to hate that damn sport! I'm going to hate it with a passion, but if you can't beat them, join them! =D

I don't know what the future holds for me, but with life the going the way it is, it pretty much going to just enjoy the ride.